Enough is enough!

I've written and rewritten the first sentences of this post more times that I can count.  I've considered discarding the post all together.

Why am I sharing this?  It makes me so uncomfortable.  It would be easier to delete all of this and keep my lips sealed, so that if I fail, no one knows.

*sigh*

Yesterday, I went downtown and joined Weight Watchers for the 3rd time.  The first time was so long ago, I hardly remember why I stopped.  I remember something about life getting crazy, working strange hours, and money being tight...I don't know.  I do remember it working and being successful on it though.

The second time was in the year before I got pregnant with my twins.  I joined with one of my closest friends on a mission to change our lives by taking charge of our health.  It's true what they say, doing it with a buddy is best.  We were both very successful and helped to cheer each other on.

I lost about 50 pounds.  I felt good.  I felt great!  I didn't realize how good I looked.  I was going to the gym at least four days a week, but normally five or six days a week.  I wasn't my thinnest, but I was in the best shape I had ever been in.  I had learned to like the gym. 

And then I got pregnant, with twins!  

I honestly didn't gain all that much.  I was so sick throughout my pregnancy that I had actually lost a lot of weight in the beginning.  And then, I learned that the only thing that didn't make me sick was ice cream.  Amazing, isn't it?  True story!  I ate so much Ben & Jerry's that my husband joked that the twins would be born ice cream dependent. (Disclaimer: This was said with nothing but love.  My husband has always been nothing but supportive of all my weight ups and downs and swears he sees nothing but beautiful when he looks at me.  Am I lucky, or what?)

In the end, I'd gained only 40 pounds, which is totally in the healthy range for twins.  And I swear, those 40 pounds fell off in a matter of weeks, thanks to nursing.

But...

The nursing didn't last, thanks to two short stays in the hospital, due to a an unruly gall bladder.  And about the time I stopped nursing, I went on the Depo-Provera shot, which was a HUGE mistake.  See, I have PCOS.  Aside from the shot making me an absolute basket case, I have since learned that ladies with PCOS should probably never be on the depo shot because it is known for causing otherwise healthy and active women to gain 20 to 40 pounds.  One of the many lovely side effects of PCOS is that it makes it easy to gain weight, and hard to lose weight.  So, all of those factors, combined with caring for new born twins...I know, I know, excuses, excuses...

So...

I'm now controlling my PCOS with medications, so all that's left to do, it take care of ME!  And, THAT is why, I went to Weight Watchers yesterday.  And now, here I am sharing this all with the world (ok, ok, just the few thousand folks that visit my blog each month)!  How is that for accountability?




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